I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
how drunk are you?
Several
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
