i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
