I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
