This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
