I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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