We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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