I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
