we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
