But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
