I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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