Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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