Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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