May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
