this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
