Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sext me about skeletons
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i believe in u and ur pee
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
