just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
