I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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