really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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