You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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