ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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