You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
