Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He passed out mid-signature
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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