just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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