I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
