My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
