I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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