R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize