Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
