i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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