I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
