mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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