The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
