2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
