P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
