Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
