In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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