next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize