I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
