He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
