You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
