i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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