I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
