Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
