i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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