we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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