Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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