Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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