it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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