Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
