highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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