Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
