I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
