Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think my vagina is haunted
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
