I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
