and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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