I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
