Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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