now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
