dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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