i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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