When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
