At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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