I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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