Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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