i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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