after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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