I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
