I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
