There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You are a genius and a whore.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
