He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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