I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
