i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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