eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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